LUCRETIA THE CHIPMUNK

 
                LUCRETIA IS A NASTY CHIPMUNK
                AND SHE RESIDES IN MY GARAGE
                IF I COULD EVER CATCH HER
                SHE’LL RECEIVE A SHOTGUN BARRAGE

                SHE GETS INTO EVERYTHING I OWN
                RIPS AND TEARS AND SHREDS
                AND IF I HAD MY WAY ABOUT IT
                SHE’D MOST ASSUREDLY BE DEAD

                ALL OF OUR FLOWERS SHE CHEWS UP
                NIBBLES RIGHT THROUGH THEIR STEMS
                I CAN IMAGINE THE JOY SHE GETS
                GLEEFULLY DESTROYING ALL OF THEM

                ANYTHING PAPER I’M FORCED TO HIDE
                AS SHE USES IT TO LINE HER NEST
                MANUALS, BROCHURES, NEWSPAPERS
                SHREDDED BY THIS DEMONIC PEST

                I’M ALWAYS FINDING HER STINKY POOP
                IN PLACES MOST UNEXPECTED
                FORCING ME TO WASH MY HANDS
                THE LOOK ON  MY FACE, DISGUSTED

                SHE’S AN ELUSIVE LITTLE RODENT
                ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO CATCH
                WHEN I DO I KNOW WHERE SHE’LL GO
                SHE’LL BE BURIED IN MY RHUBARB PATCH