The stupid things we do by mistake
As we approach our golden years
Can cause moments of absolute terror
Bringing laughter, sometimes tears
Have you gargled with after shave?
Put suppositories in the wrong place?
Experienced a burning sensation
With a nasty grimace on your face?
Have you brushed with Preparation H?
Washed your face with shaving cream?
Dried your face with used wax paper?
Removed your makeup with Jim Beam?
Have you put your pants on backwards
Then couldn’t figure out what to do?
Does it seem as if your house imp
Keeps the things you need out of view?
Does your pet gladly eat your salmon
While cat food patties are your meal?
Used Ex-Lax instead of chocolate
And had a very special cookie ordeal?
Do your toes hurt all of the time?
Are your shoes on the wrong feet?
Do all of your conversations end with
“What did you say? Please repeat”
When the front doorbell rings
Do you try to answer the phone?
Then grab the remote in frustration
As your visitor guesses no one’s home
Are your glasses always missing?
And you can never find your keys
Is your phone always out of sight?
Can someone help you, pretty please?
If all these things are about you
Then you are as normal as can be
For I’m sure that some of them
Will eventually happen to you and me!