Connie Clampett

Connie Clampett went to church
Her job? Play the organ
She did it almost every week
Sometimes replaced by Mrs. Morgan

The hymns she liked the best
Knew most of them by heart
Turned the volume way up high
When the service did start

Connie played the pipe organ
The biggest that there was
When she cranked the volume
Rattled the windows, it does

The deaf, they could hear it
The babies wailed and cried
Ears were stuffed with cotton
Block the sound, they all tried

Within a five-mile radius
The dogs all howled
The atheists couldn’t sleep
Getting revenge they all vowed

Then one day the organ broke
It gave up with a wheeze
Connie lifted her face toward Heaven
“I need a miracle, please!”

The dogs, their ears quit hurting
The atheists could sleep
Cotton balls were no longer needed
Babies, they ceased to weep

Now Connie plays the piano
And the hymns that she loves
No longer is it ear-splitting
But gentle like from above

Pipe organ? Sold for scrap
They worship now in peace
Connie’s reign of organ terror
Praise God, it finally ceased!

Tuesday, June 14, 2022