The Hitman

They were sitting on my shed roof
That day when I got home from work
The neighborhood gang of juveniles
Gave me obscene gestures and smirks

Getting down, laughing, they ran off
Another victim they would terrorize
Destroying flowers, ruining shrubs
For them to steal was no surprise

I knew that if I tried to stop them
That I would probably go to jail
No way could I allow that to happen
I had no money for a lawyer or bail

I went to their parents to complain
And their reply was, “Not my boy!”
To the police, I went so many times
To the point that I began to annoy

In frustration, I pondered what to do
To stop that stupid juvenile rampage
Then one day in my mind it clicked
On how to control my growing rage

A friend’s son played defensive tackle
He was huge, strong as he could be
I approached him with money in hand
“Can you take care of something for me?”

He listened to my plea and proposition
And a smile creased his rugged face
Refusing the money, he got excited
Into a giant fist his fingers he placed

“I’d do it for you for free,” he said
Those rotten punks I can’t stand
He chased the ringleader, caught him
Beat him up according to the plan
Looking down on his bloody form
He said, “Now this is how it goes.”
“If anything happens over there again”
“I’ll break your leg, maybe your nose!”

I’ve been told that I hired a hitman
As bizarre as it may possibly sound
But really! What option did I have?
Get run over or stand my ground?

Now my neighborhood’s safe again
Because of what I had to do
Are you in a similar situation?
Is a hitman in the future for you?

Tuesday, June 21, 2022


I admit that I did this. Had no choice and I am not necessarily proud of it.  If those knuckleheads had fallen off my shed roof and gotten hurt it would have gone against my insurance. Couldn’t have that, my premium was high enough as it was. Word got out to the police and they wanted the name of the high school football player. They wanted to pass his name onto someone else who was having a similar problem in their part of town. Sometimes when you have no other choice you have to fight fire with fire!