My Bigfoot Suit

I bought myself a brown shag rug

And made myself a Bigfoot suit

I lined it with several plush pillows

Look authentic, the outcome is moot

I put it together using brown velcro

With a zipper in the front and back

It has a lined pocket on one side

To hold rotten meat, an olfactory attack

I installed a built-in loudspeaker

So that I can play Sasquatch sounds

I have an aluminum bat tree knocker

For making knocks when trees I pound

My Bigfoot feet are made of wood

Like snowshoes, strapped to my feet

In appearance, I may look ridiculous

Looking authentic is quite a feat

At night, outside my wife’s window

I let loose a mighty, scary howl

I beat a tree into total submission

The results? they didn’t make me scowl

She pulled the covers up over her head

And most likely she peed her pants

I then called her on her cell phone

“Let me in!” she’ll answer, “I can’t!”

“There’s a monster outside my window”

“I can hear it breathing very loud”

“No way am I getting up out of bed!”

“I’m afraid and to admit it I’m allowed”

“Where are you? Where did you go?”

“And why aren’t you in here in bed?”

I answered, “Look out the window.”

“Bigfoot is your husband instead”

I spent the night in that scratchy rug

And for breakfast there was none

She met me at the door that morning

And in her hands was her shotgun

“If you ever do that to me again”

“Bigfoot will forever officially die”

“So, if you want to live a long life”

“No more pranks will you ever try!”

June 14, 2022